Its okay to change, it’s taken me a long time to come to this reality but – we are constantly changing when we are growing spiritually. For me, I’ve not only grown by age but I’ve grown greatly spiritually and this has had a huge affect on the person that I’ve become.
I think back and its intriguing to see how much I have changed over the years, from the people I hang out with to the things that I like to do. I’ve always been an extremely outgoing person who liked to go out, meet new people, do stuff and be the life of the party. Over the years, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to dislike being the center of attention, I’m very particular about the people that I hang out with and the places that I go.
I recently went through a stage in my life where I was very uncomfortable with the person I was becoming, wondering why? Why am I changing so much? Am I okay? Will I ever be the way I was? But, I’m okay with it! I’ve been learning a lot about myself.
When growing, its obvious that you’ll grow out of your friendships, relationships, likes, etc. You aren’t the same person, you start to realize that theres more to life than gossiping, going to clubs, drinking, etc. For me personally, I’ve finally found peace with myself, I can be alone and be okay, I can be humble and be okay, I can go out for a coffee and not a drink and be okay. I was fearful of what people would think about the person that I’ve become, and I think I was forcing things that made me uncomfortable because of it. Like keeping friendships I didn’t want, going to events I didn’t want – all because I felt it was right for the other party.
I’ve now gotten to the point in my life where I’ve stopped doing what other people want me to do just for them. If I want to let a friendship go, its okay. If I truly think its for the better, why should I be forcing it onto myself? I shouldn’t, it probably means that our lessons that we taught for each other have been completed and we should allow for others to come into our lives so we can continue our paths and learn more.
If I’ve been invited to go somewhere and I do not want to go, should I feel bad about that? No. Perhaps the reason I feel uncomfortable going is that its just simply not going to make me happy. Perhaps it gives me anxiety because I’m trying to grow and I feel trapped from my past. Perhaps I’ve grown out of the relationships that I had at the event.
It’s okay! I know a lot of people begin to feel lost, it’s kind of funny in that way… you lose yourself just to find yourself. It sucks at first until you realize it’s happening for a reason. You’re losing friendships to find new ones. You’re losing interests to find new ones. You’re leaving the past to move on to the future, in a good way!
Now, I read over this and it kind of sounds depressing, but it isn’t meant to be. It’s meant to be inspiring ; as you’ve all read from my diary, I was a very different person in the past. I was living life on the edge, I wasn’t fearing anything or anyone that came my way. I said yes to everything, even if it was dangerous. I was young and living life like I wanted to at the time. Dangerous friendships, dangerous relationships, stupid decisions – I was into it!
But now, I’m in this beautiful chapter in my life where I’ve left that all behind and I’m ready to have different experiences. Meeting new friends with new interests, finding a pen pal, learning new languages, traveling to new countries, volunteering, learning to play an instrument, learning a new sport, etc. It’ll be hard for me to do this stuff when I’m caught in the past. If I’m busy worrying about the gossip and old relationships I had, will I ever be able to find new friendships? Maybe not. Maybe they’ll end up being similar to the ones I already have. If I’m too busy keeping open spots in my schedule to go to the club, the bar, house parties, etc, will I have time to take a course, money to travel, go to musicals, museums, etc. Probably not as much as I want to.
If you’re stuck in this position and you don’t know what to do, take a deep breath and just do it! Let everything go that you want to let go of. There a reason that you feel the way that you do; listen to your intuition and go for it! It’s time for a new chapter.