I asked my higher self what I should write about today other than my husbands passing and it came to integrity. Perhaps the reason why is that I’ve truly lacking my own personal integrity.
First off, for those who may not understand what integrity is, right from Google Dictionary itself:
1.the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.“he is known to be a man of integrity”
synonyms: honesty, probity, rectitude, honor, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness“I never doubted his integrity” antonyms: dishonesty
2.the state of being whole and undivided.“upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty”
synonyms: unity, unification, coherence, cohesion, togetherness, solidarity“the integrity of the federation”
Back to it, integrity to me has always been a very important thing. I hate the feeling I get when I tell someone ill do something or be somewhere and then don’t do it. Who likes that? It’s like “didn’t show up to my moms house when I said I would, ahhh feels good”. NO. I hate it, hate it, hate it.
If you tell someone youre going to do something, youd better go off and do it EXACTLY when you said you would.
Now that’s all good stuff but what about personal integrity? This is about to get right into my dirty pile of laundry. Letting yourself down is the WORST thing you could probably ever do. Have you ever, (be honest) told yourself you were going to wake up early and go to the gym, but didn’t. How did it make you feel? I assume it sucked because that never feels good.
This is the issue I’ve been having with myself for almost a year now. Why is it that I tell myself, I’m going to wake up, do a meditation and write a blog (one example of many)…but then don’t do it? This is what I’ve been struggling with for the past year. I’ve been taking hits to my personal integrity for a year now. I take a look at it like its my integrity score, the poor score has taken so many hits that it’s at the bare bottom now!
“If we take a look here, I said I’d start eating better and then failed the next day. Oh! Over here, I said I’d be getting up and going to the gym… missed the bus on that one. Oh look, this is where I said I’d be getting those errands done and didn’t do them”.
It may seem like its not a big deal but it is. It’s so hard to build yourself up again when you’ve been repeatitively letting yourself down. It’s the small things that build up and seem irrelevant but next thing you know you’ve been constantly doing it and then need to completely build your “integrity credit” again.
If youre also where I’m at, do yourself a favor and go do what you dont want to do when you said youd do it! Wow.. reading that was a mouthfull.
Well.. this felt good, time to get back to it.. I really hope someone took something away from this other than just myself.