What 2016 Has Done for My 2017

Ill tell you what, I know everyone starts the year off “new year, new me” bullshit but I sure didn’t. I started off my year to a shitty relationship, I got back together with my idiot ex who ruined me emotionally (It’s my fault so don’t feel bad for me). Let me begin to show you how stupid I was a year ago from today.

I got caught up in the “rich” life style. I was that “Vegas girl” who had everything she wanted. I was the girl in VIP behind all the DJ’s at tables that costed $10,000 US plus. I was the girl who had security escort me to the washroom every time I needed to go. I sat next to the pool all day drinking any liquor or taking any drug of my choice. Flights whenever I wanted, etc, etc. It’s all bullshit to me now, I thought it was bullshit to me then but obviously not since I was so caught up in it.

I knew my ex would end up having the life that he did, I also knew it wouldn’t end up well for him. I’m still waiting for that day to come around. He gave me everything I wanted and that’s how he sucked me in for so long after we had broken up for years from his physical and verbal abuse. He claimed he would change, he showed me his (change) for a long time until one night.

One thing you need to know about my ex is that he is so caught up in his drugged up lifestyle that he has no idea what’s happening half of the time.

We had gotten into a small argument, this was months and months of having a perfect relationship and it completely blew up like nothing I’ve ever seen before. We were at something like a resort, we argued and I chose to hang around the bar while he went back to the bedroom. I got back to the bedroom to find him completely out of his mind on drugs. I knew at that moment I had to run or something very bad was going to happen. He grabbed me and threw me down onto the marble floor and nearly broke my head open, I remember hearing the sound and thinking I would need to go to the hospital. He had my hands on a grip that wouldn’t allow for a release, no matter what I did. I kicked and screamed as he tossed me around and called me the worst of the worst. He had his hands over my mouth as he’d hit my head onto things so no one would hear me scream. I swear on my life to this day I thought I was going to be dead. I screamed for hours and tried kicking the wall so someone could hear me but the walls were cement. I woke up finally after an hour or two of sleep to an entirely bruised body and extremely swollen face and a very big sorry from my boyfriend at the time. HA! A god damn sorry..

I look back now and think to myself, how stupid could I have been? You look at people who are in relationships like this and you think “just get out of it” but it really is so different on the inside. Perhaps I was just too caught up in the drinking and the drugs that I never saw it, I can’t speak for the rest. You see, I really thought we loved each other, so did he. I mean he bought me a $10,000 engagement ring, how couldn’t he right? Needless to say, I left him after that event, which also followed another horrible event that I’m probably not ready to explain but the whole thing really tumbled down on me and I ended it immediately.

This time I finished with him was different, I knew it was the end. This wasn’t going to be like that time we broke up for a year or two. It was done. In fact, I ended it, had a freak out, cried a lot, called my sister and said “EVERYONE WANTS ME , WHAT AM I DOING WITH THIS LOSER?!” Lol, we had a good laugh regardless of the situation I had just gone through. I ended it and and never looked back, my life was all upwards after that.

It was after the relationship ended that I began to work on myself, I mean for everyone who knows me, they know that I damn well know my worth. I laugh to myself now because I know that I can pick up any man that I really do want… I obviously do not want that to seem overly cocky but I’m a likable person.. At least I like to think so.

I began to work on my relationships, I began to take out anything in my life that wasn’t serving me in some way (yes selfish but you have to do it for yourself at one point or the other or life will take you down). What that did for my 2016 and 2017, I cannot even begin to explain..I’m ending the year in an amazing relationship, finally someone who I deserve and deserves me. I’m ending the year with close and healthy friendships. I’m ending the year with the best relationship I’ve ever had with my family members and it all has to do with what I did for MYSELF in 2016.

2017, bring it because I am READY!!

XOXO,

 

xoxodiarygirl@hotmail.com

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