Many of us have lost someone close to us in our lives, many of us have been fortunate enough to not have lost someone. There’s one guarantee in life, taxes and death! (It’s a joke, you can laugh)
I’d like to share my experience and I hope that it may help someone in their mourning stages, or maybe I completely butcher this and ruin it. Lets find out!
I was in my teenage years when I first lost someone who truly meant a lot to me, I can tell you that I felt like a carpet was pulled out from underneath me and I fell on my ass… then dragged across the world.. then through the ocean, then the desert, and then just anywhere and everywhere that would feel shitty. Does that sound shitty enough?
Anyway, I was in my later teens, I met a boy who didn’t speak English. He was new to my school. He arrived from Colombia with his family and didn’t know anyone. I was one of the first friends he made as I was able to speak Spanish.
Have you ever met someone in your life that you are sure you’ve met before? You guys hit it off like you’ve known each other forever, even if it’s only been months. Well, this is what happened to me. We were in that sappy stage where you’d sit on the phone for hours, ahh the teenage years. It was time to leave school and we got into a small petty argument. I remember standing in the middle of the field when I last saw him, he came in to give me a kiss and hug but I pushed him off saying I was mad and I stormed off.
I remember I went to school the day after and I got to my class, I didn’t see him anywhere. I asked around and no one knew, I hadn’t heard from him. I asked the teachers and it seemed as though everyone was hiding something from me.
I remember walking to the washroom and running into a teacher, I asked her where he was and she finally broke the news to me. She said “Diary Girl, he’s in the hospital, he was involved in a freak accident last night”. My heart sunk knowing what I had done to him the day before. I left school that day and ran over to get into my mothers car as she was driving me home. I got into the car bawling telling her what had happened, that was when my mother then broke me the news…”Diary Girl, he passed away in the Hospital today”. My mom worked in the Children’s Hospital and that was how she knew.
I remember feeling so sick to the stomach, I was fucking devastated. I could swear I wanted to die than to feel what I felt for the month after. I really struggled with his death, I really struggled facing his family when they told me how much he loved me and talked about me. I made a big mistake that day.
I just want to say that time heals everything, I know its easier said than felt but it really does. It still makes me sad to this day but I’ve learnt how to deal now. Know that everything in life happens for a reason, I do truly believe that.
My hopes are to share this story because truthfully, as people say, you should never go to bed mad at someone that you care about. That’s what I did. Now, it took me many years to get over what had happened to me that day. He’s with me everyday of my life, we both understand what happened that day and it’s okay now.
Keep the people you love close, try to not go to bed angry, don’t fight over silly things.
You know where to find me,